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on a very personal level, i wish that i were better liked than i currently am, but i've had to bury that because i agree with everyone when they say i'm not that important. My problems: they come, they go, people who really know me can almost time it.

In a way i guess i wish that i wasn't on here rage-spamming @news when aragorn died, i was in a good mood a few weeks ago , then all these problems came up and it overwhelmed me.

But then again: i got to learn more about aragorn! through his death. This is one of the more exciting times for this website, all these people logging on and off. The superuser aragorn actually logged off, and his presence in this world as an semi-involuntary troll exploded: everyone coming by and offering their thoughts in a rare opportunity to be an angst-ridden-child and say something that comes straight from their heart.

I was also bothered by the iconization of my dad when he died not too long ago at his funeral, because i just felt so many crazy things for and about him, what is a funeral behind a recitation of praises? My uncle saw my backhanded comments i was making in my speech and agreed, but did everyone else agree with me? Was there that part of them that thought i was disrespectful and wanted to kick my ass? I'll never know. I sometimes wonder what my dad would have thought about the handling of that situation, whether he approved of it or not, because i sure as fuck don't, but i've gotta live the rest of my life with silent shrugs and a nightmarish (at times) hostility.

So many emotional words and repressed hostilities that people experience, aragorn wanted to find that soft spot and poke a needle in it to let it show itself. I really wanted to come to GSBF and show everyone 16 pages of this eco-extremist novel i was writing, but yeah they already said it was a dangerous space, and I'm sensitive, so i just declined on the thought it was going to be a good time for me. Likely i would have just ended up leaving and buying a pack of cigarettes, eating some "digusting meat", or doing any other type of behavior i use to escape when i can't tolerate the spooks and the insane emotions being passed back and forth on a daily basis.

if you leave your email here for me, i'll send you that novel, i'm not great at writing novels so you can enjoy it or make it your own, it's pretty funny though, trust me.