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"I've been chatting with someone whose mom thinks that covid vaccines might be loaded with nanobots that will control people's behavior. This made me think about how to address that belief (addressing it at all is of course not necessary--which is yet another way of being in conflict)."

Tell her they're also putting nanobots in her water, her food and her favorite brand of soda. Send her links to chemtrails and 5g corona relay antennas. Maybe she'll go crazy and burn something.

"Which brings us to the first question here: what does it mean to win or lose a conflict?"

You win a conflict when you write the official history, you lose a conflict when your people get genocided.
You win a conflict when the wining alliance of superpowers backs you, you lose a conflict when not even your neighbors, family or friends backs you. You win a conflict when whatever happens after all is said and done, you had an awesome life. If the opposite happens, then you lost. You win when you're powerful, not when you're right. What good is it if they apologize, pardon you, or concede you were right posthumously?

Maybe...you win if the arguments are interesting, and lose if they are not. Maybe it all depends if what you're smoking is good.

What arguments are interesting? Is a hot dog a sandwich? Is cereal a soup? Is abortion murder? Is there a GOD? Is GOD aliens that impregnated Mary with nanobots?

Maybe one day anarchists will develop the perfect way to argue and solve all the world's problems by publishing a book "The Joy of Arguing: A 12 step program to hold 12 hour meetings" and then people will finally do their dishes.