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My favorite thing to criticize is defeatist attitudes. I get a real power-trip from inspiring others to pursue their objectives. I think that I'm good at it, because I empathize with apprehensive people trying to do creative work. I am not speaking to those who "take up a lot of space" or could really "move back" in a conversation. I am speaking to those who are shy and nervous.

I don't want to tell people that "everything you do will be exactly how you want it!" Because that's a lie. More, I want to help them access the environment for perceived threats. I ask questions such as "what are the consequences of a faux-pas or a false start?" (Because I don't want to throw people to the wolves if I'm worried about them.) I also encourage them to understand that change is okay by sharing my own goofs or mistakes and pointing them to people I trust to criticize their work delicately.

On criticizing delicately: I wish I could put this is into precise words. (Perhaps emotional intelligence is partially learned and partially an aptitude.) I can't please everyone with my manner of criticism. Some people like criticism neat (like a whiskey). Some people like a soft-drink.

Before I criticize, I access my own goals. Am I trying to encourage this person or to shut them down? I'm not moralizing either way. A sharp retort can cut through a lot of bullshit. And encouraging anything and everything because "you're a nice person" is slimy. But, on the flip-side, a sharp retort can silence a crowd (fear of shame) and an encouraging critique (one in which goals are mutually understood) can really fuel a person's mojo. (I'm sorry I wrote mojo.)

The best critiques I've ever received were private and about intimate parts of my behavior. I was told that I don't appreciate my impact on others - that I ghost people who miss me. I am working on this. I matter to people. Who would have thought?