Children and Anarchism/Anarchy

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Does having children affect the way we wish to see the world change?

A simple question, but I seriously wonder if there is some sort of dichotomy between anarchist perspectives of those who have children and those who don't?

I ask this having had a child born relatively recently. For myself, I have not taken the time to reflect thoroughly on how my theoretical framework has changed recently, beyond noticing a slight sense of urgency.

Comments

Every relationship changes us,

congratulations, having children is a revolution in value structures.

NO FUTURE!!!!!!

NO FUTURE!!!!!!

Hi! I have big kids. They are

Hi! I have big kids. They are brilliant, creative, snarky critical thinkers with good bullshit detectors. One of them identifies as an anarchist; the other hasn't been revealed yet. I'm really proud of them.

Take my experience for what it's worth: all of the parenting ideologies that seem terribly important when your first kids are tiny babies are more likely than not to fall by the wayside when they get bigger, and if they don't you are more than likely That Parent. The truly important thing is to respect your kids as individuals, to treat them like people, to teach them how to interact with others, to process information critically and to deal with the world. The rest is just icing, really. You'll screw up a lot; apologize and learn from it. Your kids will end up in therapy, and that's okay. Remember to chill and to laugh and to learn from their perspectives. Kids are hilarious and awesome and have at least as much to teach you as you do them.

(Also, The Continuum Concept and related works are RACIST. Really. That critical thinking thing applies to you too!)

And me? I'm a proud parent and a world-hating nihilist and both of those things can be true at the same time. I am also rather fond of birds.

Hey, I haven't read Continuum

Hey, I haven't read Continuum Concept but I know someone who is really into it--could you say a little bit more about why it is racist? Because of its anthropological nature or something?

Anarchy and Attachment Parenting

When raising children, the best thing to do is to understand what developmental stage they're at and support them in nurturing ways through that stage.

The first most important is to make sure that the mother and fetus have an easy and stress-free pregnancy, so eat lots of fresh and healthy foods and herbs that help you and your little one.

Then if things can work out this way for you, try having a home birth, maybe build or rent a tub and get the DSHS to pay for your midwife. Let the chord stay attached to your little one after they're born (until it stops pulsating) to make sure all the blood gets to your baby and then let them suckle on your breasts for that sweet, sweet colostrum.

For the fist three or so months try and recreate a womb like experience as mush as possible: ie, bouncing up and down, swaddling, etc. And remember skin-to-skin contact is great for your baby.

Carrying your infant with you always for the first year is super important. Nurse on demand, let your child sleep with you on the bed, respond promptly and consistently to your child's cries and needs and establish a daily routine.

As you provide the situations for your child to develop and they feel confident in your meeting of their needs, only then will they be able to being to exert their autonomy. Slowly at first, with peek-a-boo and to-and-fro games, but later they will wander off farther and farther from you, but will always look back at you to make sure you're still looking out for them.

If you engage your child regularly in the tasks you do daily and you frequently explore the world around you in safe, non-stressful and developmentally friendly way, they are less likely to shut off from the world of adults. If they shut off they get stuck in devastating mental feed-back loops, Garbor Mate thinks this is a main reason for ADD and ADHD. But if they are actively and appropriately engaged in the everyday goings on (talked to frequently about what's happening and what's going to happen, lots of learning centered play-time, no television, helping with cooking, gardening, identifying mushrooms, plants and birds, etc.) then they are more likely to stay focused on subjects for longer times and they will have emotionally healthy patterns to learn from.

If you don't provide your child with a safe environment and a strong family foundation based on forming loving bonds, then they are likely to develop attachment disorders. These can cause people lots of grief and heartache in a plethora of ways.

Fuck capitalism and the state, so don't steal your children bullshit videogames and sexist dolls and toy trucks. Anarchists are creative people, we like to come up with ways of relating that don't fall into the framework of control, so do that with your kids. Make things, grow permaculture gardens with them, teach them to pick locks, play music, prepare a meal, tell a story, draw a plant, go on hikes.

But you should probably lay off telling your kids why you hate the world you live in until they are old enough to get it. We're not christians or muslims or something, so let's not brainwash our kids. Let's show our children love and a healthy pattern of conflict resolution, then they will grow to be healthy critical adults who can navigate the violent conflict of revolution.

Also let your kids play unsupervised as they get a bit older, as George Carlin says: "You want to help your kids? Leave them the fuck alone!"

More thoughts to add: 1.)

More thoughts to add:

1.) When you begin to examine hunter-gather childhoods, or more precisely the multi-generational social model of band society, it quickly becomes clear that these child rearing practices are crucial for an anarchist deconstruction of current authoritarian methods of raising children.

Children are raised immersed in wild nature (a), surrounded by loved ones of all ages (b), breastfed on command (sometimes from multiple women (and even in some cases men)) (c), carried (d), sang to (e), live diaper-free & practice "elimination communication" (f), are taught through experience and play (g), everyday life is devoid of alienation (h), etc.

a) Chelis Glendenning has talked in great length about a thing she calls "Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder", in her own words:

"Because we are creatures who were born to live in vital participation with the natural world, the violation of this participation forms the basis of our original trauma. This is the systemic removal of our lives from our previously assumed elliptical participation in nature's world - from the tendrils of earthy textures, the seasons of sun and stars, carrying our babies across rivers, hunting the sacred game, the power of the life force. It is a severance that in the western world was initiated slowly and subtly at first with the domestication of plants and animals, grew in intensity with the emergence of large-scale civilisations, and has developed to pathological proportion with mass technological society - until today you and I can actually live for a week or a month without smelling a tree, witnessing the passage of the moon, or meeting an animal in the wild, much less knowing the spirits of these beings or fathoming the interconnections between their destinies and our own. Original trauma is the disorientation we experience, however consciously or unconsciously, because we do not live in the natural world. It is the psychic displacement, the exile, that is inherent in civilised life. It is our homelessness."

b) Living with many generations in band society (where populations generally average 25 to 50 people) allows children to pass through developmental stages with extraordinary success. This is to say the chances of being caught in a state of arrested development are significantly decreased because there is a sort of intergenerational observation that teaches children what is expected of them at what age.

Picture this: 30 children of the same age in a school classroom together with 1 or 2 adult teachers. These children will adopt a certain collective psyche that is reinforced year after year as they spend time with their single peer group.

Now picture this: A five year old, three year old, ten year old, and two eight year olds are playing games near the river as some older members of the tribe do the washing. Because games are more fun with more people and they want to practice their hunting skills, these children go about collecting frogs and lizards for dinner (along with whatever games they come up with) and the older children all but drag the younger ones along for the fun. What I'm describing is intergenerational experiential empathic education. The older children learn to care for the younger as they incorporate them in their games, the younger ones feel happy to play with the older ones and learn to mimic their behavior and through being dragged around for a bit rough play learn important skills like coordination and language.

c)Breastfeeding is important for young children as it first supplies them with all of the nutrients they need for growth and then later acts as a wonderful supplement to solid food diet. It can be used topically to treat various afflictions such as pink eye. It also strengthens the attachment between mother and child. Males have also been known to lactate and some have even stayed home in camp nursing children when women left camp.

d) Holding children is something well documented by Jean Lidloff in her book "the Continuum Concept". To steal a few quotes from her about the importance of carrying your children:

"At first, I merely observed that this in-arms experience had an impressively salutary effect on the babies and that they were no "trouble" to manage. Their bodies were soft and conformed to any position convenient to their bearers — some of whom even dangled their babies down their backs while holding them by the wrist. I do not mean to recommend this position, but the fact that it is possible demonstrates the scope of what constitutes comfort for a baby. In contrast to this is the desperate discomfort of infants laid carefully in a crib or carriage, tenderly tucked in, and left to go rigid with the desire for the living body that is by nature their rightful place — a body belonging to someone who will "believe" their cries and relieve their craving with welcoming arms."

"During the in-arms phase, a baby is passively watching and observing the whole of the life it is about to move into."

"For one thing, it appears that the person carrying the baby (usually the mother in the first months, then often a four- to 12-year-old child who brings the baby back to the mother for feeding) is laying the foundation for later experience. The baby passively participates in the bearers running, walking, laughing, talking, working, and playing. The particular activities, the pace, the inflections of the language, the variety of sights, night and day, the range of temperatures, wetness and dryness, and the sounds of community life form a basis for the active participation that will begin at six or eight months of age with creeping, crawling, and then walking. A baby who has spent this time lying in a quiet crib or looking at the inside of a carriage, or at the sky, will have missed most of this essential experience.

Because of the child's need to participate, it is also important that caretakers not just sit and gaze at the baby or continually ask what the baby wants, but lead active lives themselves. Occasionally one cannot resist giving a baby a flurry of kisses; however, a baby who is programmed to watch you living your busy life is confused and frustrated when you spend your time watching him living his."

e) Singing to children calms them down, conveys cultural stories and histories, allows them to explore their own voice, etc.

f) Elimination Communication or EC is practiced world wide by hunter-gatherers. The developmental and physical benefits are numerous. Ingrid Bauer in her book "Diaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene" explains how it works:

"When the mother knows or feels that her baby needs to go, she can remove the diaper or clothing and hold the baby in a secure, close position over an appropriate receptacle....

..Watching closely, the mother learns when the baby usually goes and how this relates to other bodily functions, such as sleeping or nursing. For example, many babies pee as soon as they awaken, and at regular intervals after nursing..

..Once they begin watching for it, many parents are amazed to notice that their babies are actually signaling when they need to go, just as a nursing mother learns to recognize her baby's need to nurse before s/he cries. Though every baby is different, some common signals include: fussing, squirming, grunting or vocalizing, pausing and becoming still, waking from sleep, a certain frown, etc.

..Many mothers who have a close nurturing relationship with their babies find they simply "know" when their babies need to relieve themselves, especially once they've been using this approach for a while..

..Natural infant hygiene is a two-way communication. Around the world, parents may use a specific sound (such as "shhh" or "sss") and a specific position to hold their baby when they eliminate. This serves as a kind of preliminary language that the baby comes to associate with the act, and a way for the parents to offer an opportunity to go. However, it is always the baby who decides whether they need to go or not. Sometimes the baby also begins to use this sound as a signal to the parent."

g) Many anarchists have talked about abolishing work and creating a life of play. Play is a central way that children learn. Here is an interesting quote about the role of play in the education of hunter gatherers from naturalchildhood.blogspot.com:

"Hunter-gatherer children are never isolated from adult activities. They observe directly all that occurs in camp - the preparations to move, the building of huts, the making and mending of tools and other artifacts, the food preparation and cooking, the nursing and care of infants, the precautions taken against predators and diseases, the gossip and discussions, the arguments and politics, the dances and festivities. They sometimes accompany adults on food gathering trips, and by age 10 or so, boys sometimes accompany men on hunting trips.

The children not only observe all of these activities, but they also incorporate them into their play, and through that play they become skilled at the activities. As they grow older, their play turns gradually into the real thing. There is no sharp division between playful participation and real participation in the valued activities of the group.

For example, boys who one day are playfully hunting butterflies with their little bows and arrows are, on a later day, playfully hunting small mammals and bringing some of them home to eat, and on yet a later day are joining men on real hunting trips, still in the spirit of play. As another example, both boys and girls commonly build play huts, modeled after the real huts that their parents build. In her response to our questionnaire, Nancy Howell pointed out that !Kung children commonly build a whole village of play huts a few hundred yards from the real village. The play village then becomes a playground where they act out many of the kinds of scenes that they observe among adults."

h) When you live a life as a hunter gatherer, you have a general knowledge of where the things around you came from, who made them, where the materials to make them come from, how it was made, etc. This is the antithesis of a marxist "alienation".

Further reading:

Hunter-Gatherer Childhoods: Evolutionary, Developmental, and Cultural Perspectives
The Continuum Concept
Diaper Free! The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene
My name is Chellis and I'm in Recovery from Western Civilization
Coming Home to the Pleistocene

Uh...

If my kid wants to be a hunter gatherer I guess I'd be supportive in the same way I'd be supportive of any other juvenile development phase. I'd hope that he grew out of it at some point though. At least before he had kids of his own anyway.

please may I have another

Please keep writing, this is perfect for me as I am raising a small child and want to build a hunter-gatherer band and also I think diapers are silly. Would you, then, write even more, and then reply to your own post, making sure to signal further readings? Thanks,
Eager to hunt, hungry for gather

All sound advice (pretty much

All sound advice (pretty much followed that to a tee to the age we're at- 7 months), but not quite what I was wondering about :)

Also- I love the world, don't hate it. I don't intend on preaching to my kids, but I won't remain silent on what I see as the ills of the world. The wee little one can grow up to be whoever, and I'll still love'em.

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