a yung Eric King opening XXXmas Bong Hits for Jesus portrait

From Debate Me, Bro by MK Zariel

a wryly done field guide

Whether or not you celebrate a winter holiday, many of us are likely to have friend or family gatherings this week/month. If you’re lucky, everyone you’re gathering with is a prefigurative anarchist, and while they might be annoyed that you’re an insurrectionary anarchist, it’ll probably be fine. That said, there’s a good chance that some people you gather with will not only disagree but attempt to debate you. From the classics (“WHO TAKES OUT THE TRASH???”) to the paranoid (“Are anarchists trying to make me do mutual aid work?”) to the downright weird (“Is this because you’re gay??”), it’s a thing. So here’s some quick and dirty advice for how to deal with it without losing your mind.


This may contain: an old newspaper advertisement with the words how to tell if your guardian angel is gay

Your one job during the holidays is to check in with people who might be having an especially hard time.

If you take one thing away from this article, it should be this: this time of year is rarely a politically neutral thing. So check in with anyone you know who might be struggling: people who don’t celebrate Christmas and might feel alienated by the hegemony of it, people who have toxic or abusive family situations, people who may not be out to their families and have to spend this time of year closeted, and anyone else you know who might be having a hard time. No debate or political drama is more important than your community.

Know the difference between people who want to be educated and people who just want to cause a problem.

Some people in your life genuinely feel curious about anarchism and want to talk about it. And…some people are your one weird friend who’s a Republican and very much wants you to know this fact. Enough said.

Focus on core values rather than expecting fights over logistical details.

The point you make when educating people about anarchism should not be “X historical anarchist society totally worked” or “under anarchism, we’d handle conflicts through restorative justice” or “it’s possible to be queer liberationist and anarchist at the same time.” If they only remember one thing—and they might—it should be the idea that anarchism is based on universal love, mutual aid, and social justice. That way, when someone in their life describes anarchism as a violent, individualistic, and brutal “state of nature,” they’ll know how to respond to that.

So if someone asks you if anarchism works, you can totally point to a historical example—but not before talking about what anarchist values are, and how we use them in our everyday lives (e.g. the mutual aid that almost everyone practices with their friends). If someone asks how conflict would be handled under anarchism, it makes sense to zoom out and talk about the reasons that punishment goes against anarchist values, before getting into the nitty-gritty of how restorative justice works. If someone asks why anarchism and queer liberation are intertwined, then that’s a great time to talk about how anarchism values all strands of liberation! Whenever possible, address values rather than hyperspecific concerns.

Think about how to talk through common problems.

We’ve all heard it: what would anarchist societies do about murderers? how would bigotry be handled? is anarchism violent? who would [take out the trash / do the dishes / maintain the digital infrastructure / whatever]? can i keep my toothbrush [or insert other concern about property here]?? is anarchism impractical or utopian? If you anticipate some of this happening, it might be a good idea to think through how to talk about it—whether that means seeing how these questions have been addressed in this blog, jotting down a couple of bullet points, or just having a think. If it doesn’t come up, then hey, at least you’ll be prepared for other situations.



Use Socratic questioning as a fallback.

Sometimes people are much more receptive to hearing that they’re wrong if one makes them feel like it was their idea. Take these two conversations.

Your little brother: Weren’t the people at January 6th anarchists?

You: Um, ACTUALLY, they were NEOFASCISTS, and anarchism has historically been antithetical to fascism. The aesthetic of destructive disorder is very different from the creative disorder that anarchists aspire to—

Your little brother: *eyes glazed over, nearly asleep, probably on his phone playing Clash Royale*

Okay, so the best-intended conversations don’t end well. But how would that have looked if you used Socratic questioning?

Your little brother: Weren’t the people at January 6th anarchists?

You: That’s interesting—I’m not sure I share that belief. Why do you think so?

Your little brother: Well, it was loud! And chaotic!

You: It really was. I wonder what you got from those people’s political views?

Your little brother: They supported Trump!

You: And what do you think about his political views?

Your little brother: He’s a fascist, of course—wait a second. The people at January 6th couldn’t have been anarchists! They were supporting someone who believes in a much stronger, authoritarian government than we have now!

While it might not go as well as that example conversation, that strategy can still move people in the right direction without instilling a debate-bro mindset.

Be able to point to a couple resources if you need.

Some people may ask where they can learn more. If that happens, this blog is an option—but so are classic introductory texts. Berkman’s ABCs of Anarchism tends to be solid for people who need an FAQ-style resource. For a broader, conceptual look, Emma Goldman’s Anarchism And Other Essays provides anarchist takes on broader social issues such as political violence, abolition, patriotism, gender roles, and more. And for relatives who aren’t readers (like, perhaps, the aforementioned little brother), BreadTube offers countless resources; Abigail Thorn can be a good place to start.

Consider finding holiday gatherings that feel supportive and aligned.

Whether you’re going to family holiday gatherings or skipping them (a choice that this post won’t advise on, as this is 100% based on your specific situation and needs), it’s a good idea to find some way to connect with your anarchist community as well—whether that’s an event or just a checkin with your affinity group over text. Just make sure not to get into the habit of using Socratic questioning anytime they ask anything, or else that will get really annoying.

Your affinity group member: So how did it go educating your relatives on anarchism?

You: That’s interesting—I’m not sure I share that belief. What do YOU think about the role of education in anarchism?

Your affinity group member (staring back in horror): Clearly it went a little too well.

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